It seems that this Christmas season has found me to be thoughtful and introspective and questioning. Not about Christmas. Well, I did see part of a very thoughtful movie called The Nativity Story. It made me cry a bit. But just about things. It’s usually indicative of a change. And so I’m remembering this:
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Trusting Him is where I’m at. As in, the need to trust Him. I do trust Him, I have trusted Him and yet I think that whatever comes will take a level of trust that I don’t have in myself. I’m trusting that I’m healed, that our needs will be met and that there are doors that I don’t know exist that will open. When it’s time. I’m not sure if any of that makes sense but it’s where I’m at and I have a tough time hiding things like that. I suppose I could say that the winds of change are blowing and it will be interesting to see what walking this out looks like.
There’s so much more in my heart. There are so many things I’d like to say. I’ve come through a season where everything was literally stripped away and now I’m trying to find out what the important things really are. What am I about? What is my mission on this planet? Where do I fit? Because honestly, I don’t feel like I’ve fit anywhere in a very, very long time.
When I was in college and studied to be in ministry it was because I wanted to help people. That simple idea was stretched and skewed the longer I studied and the more sermons I heard about doing the impossible. There’s nothing wrong with those messages except that as a 20 something I had no idea what to do with it. So my dreams became bigger and bigger and I don’t know that God really had much to do with them. They were self-centered dreams. I know that my time in school was necessary and it brought Travis and I together. I just know now that I don’t need a college degree to buy someone a pair of shoes. To be Jesus to someone.
I know that those of you that read this blog regularly get it. I don’t feel like I need a bunch of disclaimers or to try to wrap this up in a neat, tidy package to make you all feel better. And for that, I thank you.